September

Well after August's IUI failed - we tried again. At least this time, ovulation wasn't nearly as painful.

Turns out, September's IUI failed too. Just lovely.

Find out various others are now preggers too.

August

Well had our first failed IUI with Clomid. I had the worse cramps of my life during ovulation. I couldn't move and couldn't eat. It was horrible. I've never had any serious cramps or such when ovulating or getting my period... until CLOMID.

We went to NYC to the US Open and it was wonderful. Four great days of no thinking about babies, infertility ... only to turn to work.

Upon which, I find out my close friend/co-worker is now pregnant, after like her 2nd month of trying. Sometimes, life just blows.

Pregnant - Not Pregnant

I really let my hopes up. I was late and no signs of that evil AF. We were in New Orleans, I started feeling a bit funny and was excited. We get home a few days later and take a HPT.

Positive.

I rush to Walgreens and buy more. The girl at the check out counter wished me good luck.

Took two more tests.

BIG FAT POSITIVE (BFN) !!!!!!


I go to the Dr the next day, assuming all is well. I should have known better. It was wasnt. My HCG was only at 16 and progesterone was 1.4. Basically, I am told to expect to miscarry.
This is devasting. Horrible for the both of us, as we just were over the moon.

The next few days were not pleasant. Lots of ... well the things that go along with miscarrying.

I hate the term Chemical Pregnancy. I hate it.

Now my hormones are all messed up and now have an estrogen cyst, so need to wait for that to go away before we can move onto the IUI.

Fucking sucks.

HSG Results

I can breath free - my HSG went very well. The radiologist told me that my tubes are clear, no cysts, scarring or such. PHEW. I was so freaking nervous about these results. The test itself was fine and really no pain.

Feeling a Bit Rough

I had what I like to call a mini-breakdown on Friday.

I cannot even describe how worried and stressed I am for the HSG test on Thursday. I know, I just know the outcome isn't going to be good. I am so scared to hear MORE bad news. I want something to go right for once.

I called my Mom on Friday and just broke down on the phone. The tears were streaming and I just told her all about how scared I am...

First HSG Test

I've scheduled my first HSG test, at Boulder Hospital, next week. I am really nervous. Not so nervous about the procedure itself but of what the outcome might be.

With the RE's thoughts on Tuesday, it makes me think now there is something else wrong. I guess if it's blocked tubes, etc, I know there is some hope that surgery can fix this.

I've been doing some reading on HSG tests and have read that it can help clear tubes and usually for about 3 cycles after, it's easier to conceive and your chances go up. I hope so.

Bad news about the insurance though, despite my insurance covering everything, I only have a $5k limit, $700 of which I've already used. This doesn't leave much for everything that I might need ... HSG tests, IUI's, possible IVF ... which the $5k wouldn't even make a dent in the $25k it costs to do.

Back to the HSG, I just hope I am not allergic to the dye...

Meeting with the RE

Today was our second meeting with the RE. He now has a month and a half of numbers, data, etc. With most of my results being ok or good, he ruled out premature menopause and ovarian failure. He told me at this point to just disregard my previous FSH numbers.

With twelve follies and 2 eggs released, he said that this was normal for my age. A lot of this was said 'normal for my age'. It made me feel like we should have started for kids years ago. He wants me to take this month off, no Clomid and then really no tests. I still need to go in for a progesterone test and he wants me to do an HSG, either this cycle or next.

Also, as I am 4 days late (I can feel I am not PG and feel AF coming) but they did a beta anyway.

So, now the plan is, take this cycle off, then the next cycle start Clomid and then we will do an IUI. Again good news my insurance covers this but it's not too expensive without... about $350 for each IUI and they usually do it twice around your LH surge. So we will start this sometime in July.

The RE said that if this doesn't work (it will increase our % to about 40%), then we will re-group and figure out what to try next. Sounds like we would probably do the IUI for a couple of cycles.

It was a really quick visit and we didn't really get to ask a lot of questions as he was off to surgery. The NP answered a lot of the questions and sometimes I feel they are just as knowledgeable as the RE, if not more!! She was saying that with normal fertility, etc, it's only a 20% chance each time of actually conceiving. Crazy to think about.

Overall, the new was what I expected and nothing to new. Just need to arrange an HSG, to flush my tubes and check for blockages. Now something else to worry about.