Just Not Sure

I am just not sure how much longer I can keep doing this. Failed cycle after failed cycle. I have had, roughly, 6 people tell me this month that they are pregnant or their wife is pregnant. It's just everywhere and I cannot escape this.

We are on a forced break - I have been on DHEA for 3 weeks now. My DHEA level was at 99 before taking it and had a retest on Friday... hopefully it goes up.

My last AF was awesome though. I really think my Acupuncturist has done something... for the last 18 months, after going off b/c, my periods have been really light and only last 2/3 days. They were so light I could get away with wearing just pantyliners. Two cycles ago, it was much better and this last cycle was back to normal. It lasted longer and was much heavier. I take this to be a good sign.

We tried naturally this month and now have 1w to go - I am not feeling it ... but I guess I can hope? We are going to try IVF in the new year ... If that fails, I really dont know what I will do, if I can go on.

September

Well after August's IUI failed - we tried again. At least this time, ovulation wasn't nearly as painful.

Turns out, September's IUI failed too. Just lovely.

Find out various others are now preggers too.

August

Well had our first failed IUI with Clomid. I had the worse cramps of my life during ovulation. I couldn't move and couldn't eat. It was horrible. I've never had any serious cramps or such when ovulating or getting my period... until CLOMID.

We went to NYC to the US Open and it was wonderful. Four great days of no thinking about babies, infertility ... only to turn to work.

Upon which, I find out my close friend/co-worker is now pregnant, after like her 2nd month of trying. Sometimes, life just blows.

Pregnant - Not Pregnant

I really let my hopes up. I was late and no signs of that evil AF. We were in New Orleans, I started feeling a bit funny and was excited. We get home a few days later and take a HPT.

Positive.

I rush to Walgreens and buy more. The girl at the check out counter wished me good luck.

Took two more tests.

BIG FAT POSITIVE (BFN) !!!!!!


I go to the Dr the next day, assuming all is well. I should have known better. It was wasnt. My HCG was only at 16 and progesterone was 1.4. Basically, I am told to expect to miscarry.
This is devasting. Horrible for the both of us, as we just were over the moon.

The next few days were not pleasant. Lots of ... well the things that go along with miscarrying.

I hate the term Chemical Pregnancy. I hate it.

Now my hormones are all messed up and now have an estrogen cyst, so need to wait for that to go away before we can move onto the IUI.

Fucking sucks.

HSG Results

I can breath free - my HSG went very well. The radiologist told me that my tubes are clear, no cysts, scarring or such. PHEW. I was so freaking nervous about these results. The test itself was fine and really no pain.

Feeling a Bit Rough

I had what I like to call a mini-breakdown on Friday.

I cannot even describe how worried and stressed I am for the HSG test on Thursday. I know, I just know the outcome isn't going to be good. I am so scared to hear MORE bad news. I want something to go right for once.

I called my Mom on Friday and just broke down on the phone. The tears were streaming and I just told her all about how scared I am...

First HSG Test

I've scheduled my first HSG test, at Boulder Hospital, next week. I am really nervous. Not so nervous about the procedure itself but of what the outcome might be.

With the RE's thoughts on Tuesday, it makes me think now there is something else wrong. I guess if it's blocked tubes, etc, I know there is some hope that surgery can fix this.

I've been doing some reading on HSG tests and have read that it can help clear tubes and usually for about 3 cycles after, it's easier to conceive and your chances go up. I hope so.

Bad news about the insurance though, despite my insurance covering everything, I only have a $5k limit, $700 of which I've already used. This doesn't leave much for everything that I might need ... HSG tests, IUI's, possible IVF ... which the $5k wouldn't even make a dent in the $25k it costs to do.

Back to the HSG, I just hope I am not allergic to the dye...